7/1/06 Bangkok

sleep in til 8:30. cold under my covers. bruises on my shoulders from carrying my pack after we got lost
yesterday after we decided to get out of our taxi because our driver was sniffing something out of a bottle and talking to himself. free breakfast, outdoor seating and a newspaper. walk around to get my bearings on a nice quiet street amidst the craziness. couple business matters to attend to before i let myself explore. a japanese fashion show with loud music attracts a huge crowd outside the mall next to the hotel. i escape to a small coffee shop, one vanilla latte and a helpful employee who pumps me full of useful information later and laura and i are on the canal taxi. bangkok is called the "venice of the east"- however i never realized it
was a city built on a river system. easily the best way to travel around. no traffic and a cheap hassle free way to see the sites. i've never been one to do package tours or walk around big monuments so passing by them on the boat allowed me to see as much as i needed, basically a glimpse as we passed by. i'm sure the grand palace and wat pho are amazing, but a city isn't it's monuments. new york city isn't the statue of liberty and the empire state building. sure, they are quite the site but i always end up walking away wondering what i really gained other than being able to check off some arbitrary "must see" list. so anyway, laura and i decided to be spontaneous and just let the city take us. one canal ended so we let a tuk tuk driver take us to some temples that are apparently open only one day a year and are good luck to visit. our driver spoke some english and was really nice and we saw a good bit of the city as he was taking us to some off the wall temples. but then it turned out to be some scam where we were supposed to go to some garment shop and if we look around for a while they gave him a gas ticket from the government. well that didn't work b/c i didn't want to buy anything. but then we felt bad because he'd taken us to all of these places so cheap and then wasn't going to get his gas ticket. so we got him to drive us to the main river port and we paid him what the gas ticket was worth ($5). in retrospect, i'm not sure if there was a holiday today or if there was even a gas ticket. we were definitely scammed in some way. but i was happy to just be riding around through different back neighborhoods and to see some obscure temples. and honestly it seems like a more than fair price to me for what we saw. so maybe the jokes on us... but whatever. the next boat led us to the heart of bangkok. skyscrapers, temples, huge hotels, bridges, river restaurants. the best of bangkok all seen by cheap public transportation. an afternoon cruise. absolutely perfect. sure it was an overcrowded boat and i was getting splashed by black polluted water but i was so so happy. maybe it was just the sense of accomplishment at having navigated successfully through the city having no real understanding of the city or an overarching plan. the last stop on our boat happened to be the start of the skytrain- the overhead subway line that runs over some parts of the city. its too small to really do much to help bangkok's big "getting around" problem but our hotel happens to be on the skytrain. 5 minutes later we stop to grab some dinner, hop back on and we are 200 yards from the hotel. easy, easy. bangkok in a day headache free. i must mention my dinner too. i had forgotten to eat all day and was starving. so we found this mexican restaurant that was super expensive (read: the price i usually pay at the mex restaurant at home, maybe $9) and oh my gosh its the best food i've ever eaten. thai food is great but i was ready for a break. i inhaled a huge plate of tacos. ha!  now i'm sitting here fat and happy back at the hotel. better get some sleep b/c i'm getting picked up for my bike trip at 7am!

7/2/06

i am speechless. what an incredible day. i will try to describe it as i sit here at my thai 5 star resort  surrounded by coconut trees on my porch overlooking the river. i was picked up promptly at 7 from my hotel. there is a driver, my guide, lek, a 30 some old girl who co-operates the company with her husband and another man they employee who makes thai maps and whose along for the ride with his gps system. about an hour outside of the city we set out on our bikes. i have a super nice cannondale mountain bike that fits me well. we have our helmets, biking outfits and cameras. the van trails just behind us with our stuff, water, snacks etc. we ride 13k through back roads of exotic fruit farms. coconut trees shade the sun and line the streets. banana trees, dragon fruit, apple, lime, star fruit, orange, mango, papaya, flowers, spices. every fruit i have raved about trying is being grown before me. i cycle beside lek as she points everything out. our pace is casual and we stop for pictures and to eat fresh fruit that we pick from the trees. lek graduated from the best university in thailand, speaks amazing english, is fit, strong, intelligent, motivated, and provides detailed information of everything i see. we bike to the famous floating market to walk around. many tourists come to see the lively market of the canals. women in long boats with straw hats sell to people on the river bank, exchanging their product with money using long bamboo poles. i gaze at the scene before my eyes from an overpass above the market. then my personal guide walks me through.  i sample everything! she pays for it all. i take her word on what i'm trying and everything tastes great and so unlike anything i've ever put in my mouth. my favorite is the coconut fried bananas but there are fruits, veggies, spices, seafood, thai dessert, souvenirs on and on and on. we bike through more coconut fields and she tells me stories about the land- the people's efforts to preserve the way of life and natural beauty against ever expanding industry. we stop and chat with a man shelling coconut. he says he can do 2,000 a day, makes a good living and is saving to buy more land. everyone is friendly and not a tourist in sight. we go to a chinese temple and i see the first buddhas of mahayana buddhism, a strand very different from thai. then we stop for lunch on the river. i now have full confidence in lek to order for me and she doesn't let me down. we have stir fried roots from the lotus flower. apparently very rare and very good for you. after lunch we charter a long tail boat to take us on a cruise down the river. we see fisherman, poor shack like houses with kids who wave to us and smile. every so often there is an expensive looking stilted mansion, the vacation home of rich bangkok families. we pause to see a temple whose ordination hall has taken 10 years to build because of the intricate wood carvings of the buddha's life on the wall and ceilings. wood has been carved out and lighter wood inlayed to make the scenes. we stop at some gardens where king rama 2 was born. beautiful flowers and scents, thai buildings model traditional architecture and are furnished with antiques from that period. another floating market. at this point its about 4:30. i've biked about 25 miles and walked all over. i'm exhausted, stuffed and happy. then we pull up at the resort. i literally laughed out loud which was an inappropriate reaction but to look at this place and then to think about my living conditions the last 4 weeks ...oh my gosh. i have a room all to myself which is all glass on one side with a view overlooking the river. white stone railings form the boundary of the river and resort. i have a satellite tv. there are 2 pools with a wall separating them in which the water is about 2 inches so i just layed out on the wall for a while soaking and meditating before dinner. the pool is lined with a wooden fence with ivy and flowers. there are stone paths lined with flowering trees and a salt lagoon with lotus lily pads and antique statues around it. there is an indoor/outdoor 5 course restaurant where we ate with views of the 100 yard river front. its a 2 hour drive back to bangkok that the 3 of them have to make tonight but they waited and ate with me so i wouldn't be by myself. and now i'm here in my room enjoying my first real alone time, my first time not sharing a room in almost 4 weeks. altogether maybe one of the best days in my life. everything was the best. the best scenery, the best food and accommodation. the best of the boat rides, the most beautiful of the 50 plus temples i've probably seen, the most interesting market. but what really made the difference was having my guides and this organization. everything has run smoothly, efficiently, effortlessly. i had 3 guides there to help only me. they were knowledgeable and upbeat.  and i think they enjoyed my company also and not just because i'm paying them. i think they are intrigued by this 22 year old girl who signed up for a bike tour by herself. we had a blast. definitely will remember this day for the rest of my life. and its only day 1.

**See Photo Gallery 4

7/4/06

day 2 and 3.
each day i think this is the best day of my life. only to be replaced the next day thinking yes this is it. this is as good as it gets. lush green land with lots of water, rice, weathered men driving carts pulled by water buffalo to till the field. palm trees. coconut trees. mango. smell the salt water in the air and know the beach is near. see the ocean for the first time. the feeling is indescribable. i know now, being near the water, i am home. decide to eat seafood on this trip. would be missing out on the experience if i didn't and it's fresh and all natural. order real thai food. so spicy your mouth burns but so good you can't stop eating. another beach resort. exhausted from riding 66 (!!!!) km in the hot sun. 2 hours i explore the beach and relax on a reclining chair under the shade of the palm tree. listen to the sound of the ocean, it reminds me of home in this far away place. dinner with the guide and driver. we broke the ice in the first 5 minutes and now are talking,
laughing, beer drinking, story sharing, picture swapping. an evening of relaxing and having fun. we each have a million questions about the other's lives, youth, government, philosophies about life, etc. breakfast at the resort. wheat bread, non-instant coffee and cereal. heaven. today is hard core biking. pass shrimp farms, mountains cut through to a back highway paralleling the beach. every glance is new and beautiful. clear and calm sea, fishing boats. thais on the beach going about their daily business. forested mountains on either side of the panoramic view with cliffs dropping to the ocean. islands dot the horizon in the distance. not the thai tourist season because its the rainy season. though it hasn't really rained. so no people. only fancy resorts, beautiful landscape or traditional thai life. a temple set on the rocky cliff. pause for a break from biking. indulge in whatever local fruit the driver picked up on the way. rest 10 minutes. always more than i can eat. they are always looking for something new to try. the bike pace is slower than i train but a more than moderate touring pace. heart rate not high but each day ride more than i ever have before. some dirt road, smooth and mainly flat but often a head wind. alternate drafting. sometimes chatting, or me asking questions, or silent- heads down moving fast, fast. a more serious conversation for a while as we bike side by side. i get inside info about wat srakaew or other social development projects there. his opinions on the current state of the country. he knows basically everything about everything. the coastline is like the united states west coast. both ocean and mountains. many trees and tropical fruits, pineapples mainly. but also sandy beaches. rapid development and construction of fancy resorts to replace bungalows ongoing as we pass. others preserved by the government so no building and others still untouched by the motivation to modernize. content people in their simple lifestyle generation after generation. in chumphon, arrive in time for chang beer with the guys for a couple hours on the beach. kick back, relax after a hard hard ride with that sense of accomplishment and that ease of feeling you only get with some people in life. we sprint to the water, dive in and swim around. splash. laugh at the girl in the thong on the beach. chase after crabs and hold the little ones in our hands while they squirm around. another fancy dinner. crawl back exhausted to the hotel thinking i can't believe what we've done, all that I've seen and from the perspective that i saw it. everything is different from the bike. THIS is the way to travel and live.
 

7/5/06

day 4. same but more. more difficult. more beautiful. more fun. more distance than ever before. famous last words from tanin- "kerry all down hill today". little did i realize his sarcasm hidden in the strange tones of thai. what he meant by his joke was down, hill, down, hill. ha. we climbed climbed through the limestone mountains that form the amazing views from the hotel the night before. through the farms of rubber trees. knife marks in the trees, lines to the bowl where the rubber runs down. big sheet of it drying in the sun. papaya, palm oil. i think i've now officially seen the plant for every fruit and veggie i've ever eaten. my energy levels thus far have been high. but today was a struggle. the hills hurt my hip and the familiar right shoulder pain i have from biking has returned after a welcome relief since i've not been biking in thailand. plus, i think thanin thinks i'm invincible. faster and faster we go each day. partially because there are less questions to ask. there is less anxiety between us. i think he doesn't feel like he has to be my super tour guide. we can just be ourselves every second and i don't have to put forth the same effort to be the perfect customer. we are just more comfortable. so we just ride in silence side by side. or when there is a head wind, alternate drafting. also it's faster because we are trying to make it farther than the previous day and to do so means a hard morning. because if you don't make it as far as you plan on going before lunch it's really hard to get back on the bike after indulging in a thai meal which tastes so good its impossible to have restraint. today we saw tanin's favorite spot. after miles and miles the view opened into an overlook of the bay. clear water. limestone cliffs in a horseshoe formation. islands. multicolored fishing boats anchored with
nets. most of our conversation now on the bike is about which spot would be the perfect place to buy land and retire. with each area we've biked - each having different climates, amounts of green, trees vs pastor, amounts of rain and water, number or people. price, culture, type of people. we list the pros and cons of each. he and his wife lek, who i biked with the first day, prefer inland. tanin loves palm trees. a mix of open land and trees. his dream is to open a simple bungalow resort for thais and foreigners to come, relax, and bike around the area. lek will teach aerobic dance. it will be well landscaped with paths for walking or running. specialty coffee in the morning. explore by bike or maybe kayak by day. thai massage and hot tub at night. i ask if they need an english speaking guide or maybe another girl to even the numbers ha. where we eat at lunch today was great. the same bay view but right on the beach. stuffed ourselves with shrimp, fish and crab (i had to give up the no seafood part of being vegetarian- too many calories needed to bike and too little choices otherwise in these small fishing villages. and seeing how the fishing is done, i am ok with it. plus let's be honest, it tastes amazing). then we take naps on the long benches in the shade. we lay on our stomachs, arms hanging, heads tilted watching the water- a bird looking for fish, men pulling in their fishing nets, a small girl playing in the sand. sounds of gentle shore break. no pollution, no excess noise, no stress. i am reminded of my love of the ocean. apparently it generalizes to other countries. a view of which i will never tire. a feeling of peace sweeps over me. i tell them, yes, for me this is it. they say, wait under you get to the islands even farther south. we continue biking. i am exhausted but too competitive, too hard headed and the experience too once in a lifetime to admit this. luckily, tanin decides to change our hotel reservations. knowing me now, he's decided to alter the route to what he thinks i'll like- less tourists, more ocean scenery. i have full trust that where ever we go will be carefully considered for my best interest. about 3 we pull into our resort. now the same bay view from a different spot is my permanent view for the afternoon. after a nap we meet - not really to talk but to just be there together.  the 3 of us staring into the ocean, thinking, resting. sipping our 40s of chang beer, feet up, hands behind our heads. the ultimate contentment. i go swimming about 6 with the driver. he's so fun. he is from the NE of thailand and speaks little english. we manage to communicate very well. yesterday we chased after crabs on the beach. today we floated around way out on some inner tubes. i tried to teach him butterfly and how to do a front flip. it was the funniest thing watching him try to get his feet over to complete the flip. he'd laughed and laughed and tried again. i wish he could talk to me because he knows so much about animals, plants, you name it. but we manage ok anyway. i admit though. i'm so tired. i hope i can last through 2 more days of biking. but i will say, i don't think i've ever longed so much for time to move more slowly, for the week to never end. last night i talked to the girls at watsrakaew on the phone. apparently the heat from week 1 has returned. they tried to sound positive but you could sense the misery in their voice. i feel worlds away. obviously i can empathize but i feel too far removed to even imagine those times to be honest.....
 

7/8/06

the last morning. 1 1/2 hours of quiet time in my hotel room in hua hin. watching fox news- catching up on what's been happening in america. surprise, the war on terror continues. thankfully, tells bill o'reilly, we have our president to save us.

the past 2 days of biking continued to be incredible. day 5 was cycling through a marsh area, salt water lakes, cows grazing tied to coconut trees, rolling pastoral hills. a good retirement spot. along the coastline for 15km. miles and miles of deserted beach. gray skies, cool wind, semi clear calm water 20m to the right, farmland to the left. end with a steep climb up a long hill to an amazing temple overlooking the sea. buddhas face out into the water sanctifying the border between sea and land. inside, elaborately painted walls and
stained glass windows. out on the balcony we can see the mountain where we began the day far off in the distance. that afternoon we go kayaking. not on the tour plan but thought it'd be fun. i share a kayak with sang who has no concept of paddling as a team. laugh, laugh. he is so much fun. practice the front flip and
handstand at the pool as the sun goes down. the resort is in a crescent shaped bay which connects to the river and various fishing villages. we watch the boats go in and out. i learn how to tell a squid boat from a
shrimp boat. about 9 we go to the shore and watch the fisherman bring in their daily catch from the net.

day 6. a hard day of biking through the mountains. it's amazing the proximity between mountains and beach here. i've always felt lucky in north carolina to have both within the state, each a couple hours drive. but in thailand, totally different landscapes are separated by only a few km. which for biking makes it so that everyday has been new scenery. today the sun is out strong. i'm hot, my farmer's tan is getting worse by the second. the hills are big and i'm exhausted. it's glorious. tanin is pushing the pace today because we know there is no point in preserving energy. we change leads, try to get our kph up as high as possible on the downhill. every hour or so stop to drink a sports drink, coffee, fruit. winding mountain roads open up into panoramic views of tree covered mountain ranges, rock formations, valleys spotted with lakes. we weren't actually even supposed to bike today. its supposed to be a beach day then it turned into 50km and we finished at 63km. high fives. a tremendous sense of accomplishment. my legs feel like jello and my shoulder hurts so much i can barely move my arm. we add up the total. 375 (230 or so miles) over 6 days. only 30 the first day with lek so averaged 68km the next 5. the most i'd ever biked in one day before the trip was 60. so to do more than my record for 5 straight days. oh man. each morning i did my best to avoid being overwhelmed by what lie ahead. but i just took it one km at a time, then the next and the next. regardless of how tired i was (not in terms of high heart rate, lactic acid tired that i'm accustomed but the endurance, how long can i keep my muscles moving 3hr?, 4hrs type) each view, each moment kept me going. past the point of feeling like i had to stop, into a different state of consciousness, greater awareness. no thought or feeling, only perception. the 5 senses coming in simultaneously carries me along. gives me the power to keep pedaling. my motivation remained high throughout. stopping was never considered. the experience is the ultimate addiction. every second is a lifetime of fulfillment. i've never been so happy, so at peace and content. words to describe this are slow to come and inadequate. it waters it down and doesn't do it justice. only tanin can really understand what it was like so i'll stop trying to recreate it on paper. after lunch we head to the spa to get massages for our battered muscles. he suggests i get an oil massage. 2 hours of bliss. rest, reflection and renewal. emerge with my knots gone and relaxed. we decide to ditch the night market in crowded hua hin to hang out poolside at our quiet hotel. our last night! i find them some imported corona to try, limes and all. an expensive treat for me but want to do something nice and they love their beer. we eat pad thai laid back on our cushioned recliners.

back to reality today. meeting the girls in bangkok to go to ko samet monday for our vacation week. sad to be ending my bike trip. would rather keep repeating this daily routine. i don't think this lifestyle would suffer diminishing returns. but all good things come to an end and its better to go out on a high note.

See Photo Gallery 5 and... Photo Gallery 3 has additional pictures.

July 12, 2006 ***This is Kerry's mom......    No journal entries from Kerry this week.  Her vacation in Ko Samet with all the other volunteers turned out to be no vacation.  She's sick and had to travel back to Bangkok.  She is presently in a hospital there and has a doctor who speaks English and I think was trained in America...not sure...but she's happy with him.  They'll keep her a few days.  Mostly flu-like symptoms, fever, sore throat...probably some dehydration issues. Her friend Laura (who was with her at the orphanage) traveled with her back to Bangkok.  I'm thankful she isn't alone.  Laura is truly an angel! I'll keep you posted.  She's due to go to her next assignment Saturday.

July 13, 2006 *** Talked with Kerry this morning.  She's feeling better but says she's very weak.  They're giving her intravenous antibiotics twice a day and can tell a big difference.  The doctor told her a bacterial infection showed when they did blood work... but didn't tell her anything else.  She said she was happy to stay at the hospital.  It's air conditioned and she's being well taken care of. Laura had to leave so she's by herself.

7/10/06

we joined another group of volunteers to head down to ko samet. ironically they are actually gsc volunteers who were put with greenway once they got here. they've had the same disorganization problems we've had but worse and they are paying more. they are really bitter and more openly cynical about their experience. they complained the whole 3 hour bus ride. at first i was relieved to be able to have someone to be candid about my feelings with. laura is never negative, never says anything regardless of the situation and esther is always bubbly and enthusiastic which instead of bringing up my mood usually makes me feel worse because i just feel so alone with my feelings. that i must be a bad person to be having the thoughts i'm having. so my first reaction to the new group was thank god. but it got old really quick. for one, they are loud, they stand out. everyone looks at them. i thought as volunteers we were supposed to be liaisons- bridging the gap between 2 different worlds but they seem to be the quintessential "farangs".

i think by sentiments are compounded by my experiences on khao san road the last couple days, the infamous back packing district in bangkok. more westerners than i've seen in all of thailand since i've been here in the first 200 meters i walk. cheap souvenirs, bars with people drinking at 8:30am, gogo bars, thai massage parlors every 5 feet, 20 somethings looking dirty, wearing dreadlocks and sporting lots of tattoos. most have been camped out here for weeks it seems. every western guy has a thai girl by his side, holding her hand like hey everyone look at my prize.

ko samet is the same way to some extent. the island is a national park but the government loosened the environmental laws once tourists showed interest in favor of making a profit. now, moped exhaust overpowers the should be clean oxygenated air of the rich green forest. trash covers the road side or floats in the water. jet skis damage the coral reef lining the islands perimeter. more fat old men with what look to be
teenage thai women strolling along together with the man pushing along a stroller with her 3 year old child while trying to balance his beer.

it just gives me a bad feeling inside. i know to some extent i am contradicting myself. a part of me loved the modern luxuries of bangkok. i've certainly indulged in thai massages and drank my fair share of chang beer during my bike week. and wrightsville beach is in many ways more excessive than ko samet- more people, drunken disorderly, women in bikinis who shouldn't be, loud radios blaring 5 different stations around my towel. while being at times annoyed with the american materialism on display, i love WB and wouldn't give up my spot on johnny mercer day trippers heaven for a house near the quiet family oriented yacht club. i've been trying to figure out all day why these things outrage me so much here in thailand.

going back to the other volunteers. this new group has reinforced what i love about laura and esther. kind and compassionate, equanimity towards any situation embody the characteristics i strive to have. so while being negative and cynical was nice for a couple hours- its more my nature and its just easier, i wouldn't trade my group for anything.

i do wish i could stop getting sick. this is time number 4 of my 24 hour flu. instead of being out exploring, running around or even just soaking in the full moon on the beach i feel like i might have to travel back to the doctor. it's really hard to feel so weak and vulnerable in a foreign country. with all the challenges of this trip i need to be able to trust my body to be able to endure the tough times. luckily this is a good time to be in hibernation- my week with no volunteer responsibilities. its just an insecure and lonely feeling to be sick on the other side of the world.


7/13/06

hospital day 3. things to be glad about over the past 3 days:

-making the decision to leave ko samet and make the long travel to bangkok. being stubborn and also not feeling like i had the strength to make the 7 hour journey. i wanted to ride this illness out. the other volunteers convinced me otherwise.
- friends like laura who came with me all the way here just to make sure i was ok. so that i didn't have to go through all of this by myself. she carried my bags, took care of all the ticket buying and taxi haggling. honestly, i don't know if i could have made it without her. she spent the night on the sofa and then went all the way back to ko samet the next day. next to my mom, i think she's the most selfless person i've ever met. and, since my mom couldn't be here it brought me enormous comfort and security to have her by my side. and it just makes me feel good that there are people like her left in the world.
- for modern medical care and for being one of the lucky people who can afford it. being sick sucks. it's especially bad to be sick somewhere uncomfortable or hot or without good medicine and proper medical care. the difference between the medical exam i got in ko samet consisting of looking in my throat as i sat outside the clinic on a bench and the handing me pills labeled simply "anitbiotics" and the state of the art
facilities in this hospital are literally worlds away, decades of difference in scientific advancement and quality of services. and it makes me think how lucky i am- lucky because i only have some bacterial infection that can be knocked out with IV antibiotics and not something more serious like cancer or hiv/aids. and lucky that, although it seemed hard to get here, adequate treatment facilities are within my reach. to think of all the people suffering through years of debilitating illnesses that come with aids and receive no treatment, no medicine. seeing how quickly i was deteriorating in the environment i was in, it's easy to see how so many die from treatable illnesses. how many deaths are preventable. it even makes me feel guilty. what did i do to deserve to be in this hospital? there are certainly people more sick than i am. i shouldn't take priority over the women dying who will orphan small children. i'm not saying i would refuse care to stand up for injustice in the world's health care system. it just makes me think, makes me not take this hospital, its great drugs and overly attentive nurses for granted. and having experienced 3rd world health clinics 1st hand, it makes me more conscious of the plight the majority of us face. on a less philosophical note, it looks like i had some sort of bacterial infection in my blood. probably a throat infection. hard to get answers around here. i've likely had it most of my time here but just haven't quite gotten ride of it with the doses of meds i've been
given so it keeps reemerging. hopefully with 2 days of nonstop sleep and a couple more of bed rest i'll be back on my feet and ready to give tackling thailand another try. i think i'm taking the night bus way down south to khao yao noi, unsure of what exactly awaits me but excited...
 

to me, regardless of culture their are basic values that should be universally held. it frustrates me to no end when people, organizations, countries etc lack transparency. never having answers to questions ,never knowing what's going to happen next until five minutes before. always being in the dark or enlightening you only enough to keep you from quitting or make you questions who is right or who is wrong. appearing innocent on the surface. deep down though, i feel and have felt since the moment i arrived that there is some level of corruption. i don't know who is to blame so i can't and i'm not allowed to get in touch with the high person making all the decisions. there is never enough money but i'm always made to feel bad for asking about money, about my placement, for answers. mick and chan, the people at wat srakaew seem so nice.   always the thai smile. but so much bad stuff has happened to so many people- from theft to sexual assault to being dropped off at placements that don't want volunteers. everyone's too nice to say anything to bind together and speak out. i can't say if they are purporting to be non-profit and really aren't.  there is no way
my 1770 is going towards me or the people in thailand i'm trying to help. so i'm not sure who is getting it. or do they just not care? how could they not be more concerned with how sick i was in ko samet? they didn't call me once i got in the hospital. only came to wat srakaew one time. couldn't tell me anything about my next placement because he's waiting to hear from his "boss". his boss has given me and laura the ok to go but we don't know what we are doing or where we are staying. maybe they are just lazy and want to do as little as possible to still get paid. its just a job to them. so fine, don't care about the western volunteers but to not care about helping your own people? they have people here who will give their time, effort, money to help. to not be able to match volunteers with people in need baffles me. its like i'm so close to being able to make a difference but they are on the other side of this maze of red tape, of questions, of the language barrier of indifference. i know that some of the gsc volunteers are leaving after ko samet never making the connection with thai people they came here willing and able to make. when they return home they are going to try and find out what happened. just like i'm going to take a stand and find out why i have to pay for my bus to khao yao noi tomorrow when my transportation is supposed to be paid for. my program says food,
accommodation and in country transport should be paid for. so why am i having to pay? some excuse about it being my choice to go all the way down south instead of staying in central thailand. but its still a greenway placement and i was told it was an option. same with my food- i was being given 6 dollars for all 3 meals a day in ko samet. its not about the 50 dollars it'll take me to get to the island though- its the principle. i don't like being taken advantage of because i don't know the country and the language better.. especially when i'm here to help the thai people. not that it's only greenway. even here at this very modern hospital i can't seem to get answers. what's wrong with me? why is this my 4th time getting sick? suggestions for how to not get sick for the rest of my time here. i only see the doctor once a day early in the morning. i don't know when i'm leaving or how much this costs. and i don't really feel like he's hearing all the things i have to say. i'm obviously distressed, i'm alone here. but no words of comfort. just smiles, always smiles. thai people don't like confrontation. absolutely none. and when you seek answers or clarity they just say less. you can't be
mad because they are always so nice. escalating the situation more would doubtfully help so eventually i end up giving up, smiling back and saying thank you. but inside i feel isolated and i feel angry. and because i don't know who or what i'm angry at i am just angry at myself for being unable to handle the situation, the people, this country.
 

7/16/06 Khao Yao Noi

18 hours of travel from bangkok. tuk-tuk, taxi, overnight bus, taxi, local bus, long boat, car. a long journey but well worth it. the island is fabulous in every way. the scenery is breathtaking. blue green water and a horizon dotted with islands made of limestone. in the interior mountains filled with rubber trees, coconut trees, lakes, cows and water buffalo. laura and i are living with a family. its a middle aged couple and
their small son. i think they are giving us their bedroom and sleeping in the outdoor kitchen. a mix of amenities: cd player and tv, a water filtration water jug and separate rooms for the bathroom and shower. they own a mop ed (which yes i've already ridden!) no air con or hot water. thought thankfully its not that hot. the island turns the water off at night so only a bucket. no cell phone service as of yet but i've heard there is an internet cafe. but the family is extremely welcoming. they seem excited to have us which is a nice change. they are trying very hard to please us and be accommodating to our every need. we are their first volunteers. they know very little english. but the dad's sister as well as some other people around know more. and we still managed to get along ok. they are teaching us thai and visa versa. they must have pointed out 100 different object and told me the thai name. most i'm sure i won't remember but the exchange process has been a good ice breaker and shows how eager they are to have us. it just feels so good to be in a family setting again. to sit with them at the dinner table. to be a part of the local community, to have neighborhood kids running around. to be on the inside instead of the out. work seems like it is going to be great also. we are working at ta khao seafood, a multipurpose business run by a group of women. though my house is inland, you walk about 500m and the restaurant opens up into the ocean. it literally sits on the beach on stilts right next to the local pier. a 270 degree panoramic view of the type you think only exists in books or on tv. the women run a restaurant associated with a bungalow where tourists come. they also make thai desserts which they ship all around the country. i tasted one and its like a dinner roll filled with cream- very good. and they do traditional painting called batik- elaborate scenes painted on cloth which is then worn as a skirt. my understanding is that we get to help with all of these and each one sounds interesting. and to be honest with that sort of view and sea breeze i would be happy doing just about anything. len (the father) is a teacher of islam/arabic at the local school and his wife i think just stays at home. other than it being of extreme importance to dress modestly the religion aspect will probably not play a huge role. in fact, he took me to a temple this afternoon. we followed a path up these huge hills and then took a turn and bam- an ocean view from the top of the island and the most serene setting. a large courtyard with long steps leading to the edge of the overlook. i felt an immediate connection with the place. you know when you see a place and everything about it immediately puts you at peace? it was love at first sight, if that's possible to have with a place. i am sure i will make the journey up there everyday to meditate, read, write, just sit. this experience so far has been so different from my other placement with greenway in every way. i don't think i could ever be bored here or have that caged in feeling i did at the orphanage. there is enough exploring on the island to keep me plenty busy. and the mere view of the ocean keeps me mesmerized for hours. i already feel very at home here. i am excited about starting work tomorrow and about spending the evening getting to know my family. my tough time last week with being sick and the problems with the hospital seem so far away.

7/18/06

7:30- breakfast. so far one day toast, one shrimp burgers, one pancakes with yogurt and pineapple and mango.
7:30-9 wander around and get my bearings. i am not letting myself run yet since being so sick so i go for "walks" exploring different roads and side roads. today i walked along the river and watched the men busy
cleaning and repairing their boats. they go out very early in the morning and have already returned. the river connects to the sea and i walk along the sand since the tide is low. crabs and these little fish with legs scurry around me. occassionally i pass pieces of coral reef that have washed onto the shore.
9-10:30 help the housewives club make desserts. package and label sweet rolls with a gooey sugar substance in the middle. close the bags by melting the plastic over a candle. practice my skills with the rolling pin flattening out the dough and rolling it into an egg roll. my dough keeps sticking to the rolling pin. i roll dough into balls and place them on cooking sheets. each task is for a different cookie but they only assign us part of the preparation process, probably the easier. the work is repetitious but therapeutic in its monotony. around 8 women make these desserts everyday when orders from various shops across the islands are received.
10:30-4. batik painting. try my hand at traditional thai paint. first draw on the cloth an outline of the design in pencil. i did an ocean scene- a fish, turtle, and some seaweed. then trace over in pencil with hot wax. a small cup sits on top of a hollow pen with a hole at the tip. you dip the cup in the wax then it comes out the end. this creates a seal or boundary between different parts of the drawing. by far this is the hardest part because the wax likes to drip and comes out at different thicknesses depending on how hot the wax is and how fast you are drawing. then you paint the cloth. kind of like water colors but you shade light or dark with your finger. the wax keeps the colors from bleeding into each other. or that's the objective- easier said than done. it took me two days to do one painting but it turned out well for a first try. art has never been a strong point for me. but i am finding it relaxing and working to control my perfectionist tendencies that make me frustrated if i can't do something right. have lunch with the other women sometime in there. we all eat together sitting on the floor eating with our hands. a bit spicy and the fish still have their head and tail. but when you're hungry and have an open mind is amazing how good food can taste. there isn't a lot of small talk. everyone is happy and working hard at their respective task. some cook more and a couple do the painting. they enjoy what they do and do it day in an day out. many women here just are housewives so i think this is something extra they just decided on to make extra money. most of them don't speak much
english so we keep to ourselves but it seems like they are happy to have us. i walk back to my homestay feeling a sense of accomplishment and feeling very relaxed.
4:00-6 borrow the next door neighbors mountain bike and ride around. the mud, broken gears and seat make it difficult but i manage to seek out new places on the island. rubber farms, a family outside of their house
spending the afternoon, a construction site of khao yao noi's first real resort. come back and join in on some ta kro, a popular game with the boys here- basically volleyball rules with a little ball juggled with the feet. my football skills come in handy once again to break the ice. all of the neighborhood playing a 3 v 3 tournament which i get thrown into, the only girl. football, the universal language. a couple of successful maneuvers brings cheers, giggles and surprised looks. clearly not used to seeing girls be good at sports. but they welcome me into the game and seem pleased. i obviously am pleased to, now i can play a game i like in the afternoon everyday. i feel like i'm 10 years old again rushing home to play. and my father is very very good. we leave the big game and juggle back and forth just the 2 of us. we get to 10 and with each one i feel like a bond is being formed.
6:00. a feast. shrimp, cabbage, noodle soup. a big fish with sweet onions. 2 more types of fish. green beans and chicken (not for me). fried egg and tomatoes. cucumbers. spicy brown sauce. pick and choose to put on
our plate of rice. the most taste filled pineapple for dessert. they don't start serving themselves until we have everything. they love that we love the food. my water gets low and is immediately filled up by one of them. found out today that they bought a table just for us to eat on, they had just eaten on the floor before.
7:00 - 10. relax. read. write. talk. last night some girls came to visit. they pointed out the different fruit trees in our yard, picked us flowers, even sang and performed thai dance for us. so cute. watch tv. we have a satellite but only get arab channels- its the funniest thing.
10:00. early to sleep.

 

7/20/06

in africa i felt like i was saving lives with the information i was giving about hiv/aids. here i am working hard and i think i am helping but the situation here isn't quite as dire. so i've decided it's more of a cultural exchange program than anything else. i am getting to see what it's like to live day to day in this country, on this island, as a member of a muslim family. so far in thailand i've either been too hot, too sick, or moved too frequently to be able to take an in depth look at life here. this week i've finally been able to settle down, get a routine, become familiar with this place and its people. people are becoming accustomed to me and are beginning to initiate interaction. and i feel comfortable here and happy and am more receptive to their
attempts and more willing. it's like both doors are open now and ideas, thoughts, feelings can move freely back and forth. not that any of this is forced but neither is it a passive diffusion. i think it is just the natural way people come to know each other, to step out of their comfort zones towards each other ever so slowly and thus widen the boundaries of our being, our cultures, our way of life. so, while all i'm really doing during the day is rolling, baking and packing desserts and painting bad art they'll never be able to sell i do think some sort of greater unexplainable good is occurring.

also, i've come to understand that you can't really see what something is like by taking a passing glance at it. it's like taking a photograph. if the shutter doesn't stay open long enough your picture comes out either blurry or dark. similarly it takes time for a clear and accurate mental representation of an experience, a person, a place to be formed. making judgments early on or becoming fixated on a first impression leads to misunderstanding. take the men in my village. they sit around the restaurant all afternoon just chatting and smoking rolled up cigarettes. while all of the women are busy making desserts or painting. so i immediately labeled the men as lazy and thailand/islam as yet another example of gender inequality. but with each day new information has revised my perspective. it turns out most of them are up working on the rubber plantations during the night and then fish from before dawn until midmorning. so they've already put in a full days work by the time i arrive. in addition, one of the men was talking to me about relaxation and life satisfaction. unlike the frenzied, 9-5, all work no play in order to make money or reach some goal, here on khao yao noi life is much less stressful, much more laid back. rest time to sit around and be with friends is heralded. taking time to enjoy life. understanding that work and fun aren't means to an end but an end in themselves. not a primitive life here but a much more simple one. no one is rich but everyone gets by. everyone is happy because there is no reason not to be on this particular sunny afternoon. everyone knows everyone- they grew up together and are probably distantly related. no one locks doors. as an almost self
sufficient economy, a sort of interdependence and support system exists between people and business. sunshine, a beautiful view, good food, good friends. no office, no business suit, no fancy electronics or cars
to make payments on or repair, no health insurance, no traffic. i never cease to be amazed at people's ability to find joy who have relatively so much less than i do. and, it's not just that they don't know what they are missing, what they could have so therefore they are living some sort of ignorant bliss. they know and they could easily turn the island into upscale resorts and be rich. but they choose not to. they define success and what it takes to be satisfied with life differently. if asked to trade lives with someone in america i don't think they'd do it. i went from thinking the men were lazy, the society discriminates against women, and feeling a bit sorry that they are poor to being envious of their work ethic, happiness and sense of close-knit local
community.

so someone... or honestly i'm not sure how they found out because i haven't run a step since being on the island....found out that i like running. today i was invited or more like told that i was running at 5. i thought it would just be me and the man down the street who invited me and that likely "jogging" meant more like a fast walk or would be surely short. i have yet to meet a man or woman in thailand who runs. in fact, the married couple who guided my bike trip seem to be the only people in thailand who don't think the concept of exercise is ridiculous. but 5 men, 1 huge dog, 12 km of mountain trails and an hours later i once again was shown the problem with stereotyping. luckily, it was an error i am more than pleased to make. most of the men are the same ones who sit in the restaurant in the afternoon. they never speak to us and i assumed they didn't speak english. once they saw i could keep up it was like i passed some test and immediately they start talking to me in fluent english. we had a great time. i got to see new parts of te island, got in a good workout and feel like once again my physical capabilities are giving me some inside track into being accepted and included here. sometimes at home i wonder why i work out. this is why.

7/23/06

july 23rd. wow that can not be the date. i am constantly amazed by how fast time can move while simultaneously seeming to move so slow in the present moment....

ah, enough abstract thinking and time for a more tangible update. the work week finished up well. it's the first 9-4 monday to friday job i've had. i baked up a storm, finished 2 batik paintings and started a third i'm doing as a gift for my family here. working hard at my assigned tasks and putting even more hard work into my interactions with people that i meet plus my now epically long runs with the men each day has left me pretty tired. however, it's a different tired from the full body and mind frustrated exhaustion at the orphanage that led me to getting sick. it's that satisfied exhaustion from having so many fulfilling experiences in such a short time. ah, i'm wandering again.

so laura and i decided to head to krabi for the weekend. khao yao noi is situated between the 2 large popular beach cities of krabi and phuket. we took the long tail boat that leaves the island each morning which was in itself an adventure. we passed close by all of the beautiful rock formations that form the view from ta khao seafood. while my eyes are glued to the awe inspiring surroundings most thais are napping or reading a magazine. i don't know if these sites could ever become so routine and familiar that i could not be compelled to stare at them constantly.

we arrive at the busy beach town of ao nang. limestone cliffs form a bay and a beach. there are plenty of resorts and sunbathing "farangs". instead of doing a tour to see the surrounding sites in krabi laura and i opt for a lazy day laying on the each. i spend a typical wrightsville beach day of laying out, reading, swimming and walking to get coffee at the local shop. however, i occasionally look up and realize how so not the WB this is. obviously it's on the other side of the world which is baffling enough. but it's a million times more ascetically pleasing. yet as different as it may be in good ways and bad i settle into my familiar beach routine that i have found can be easily transported and enacted.

we eat dinner on a water front restaurant. laura and i have our usual stimulating conversation punctuated by periods of comfortable silence. we joke about being an old happily married couple. the sun sets over the ocean. shades of pink and red fill the sky and reflect on the water. a good sunset is my favorite of nature's performances. i eat a veggie burger, french fries and probably 2 bottles of ketchup. thai food, especially with my family is great but i welcome a western meal.

this morning i will get a couple hours on the beach before heading back. i am happy to have seen this place, but prefer khao yao noi. when comparing really beautiful with really really beautiful, my little island wins out. it is the closest place to paradise on this earth.

See Photo Gallery 6  ***please note with these last pictures of the island the inability for me to capture the beauty of this place in a picture. also, no pictures of people so far such as my family or the women i work with. i want you all to see them but it just isn't a good idea to take pictures of people right when you meet them. it is awkward and makes me feel like a tourist here.

7/24/06

now that i'm really settling in here with the people and with my daily schedule i think i'll skip the day to day update which would get repetitive in favor of doing personal profiles of people i've encountered here.

the only special things since we got back on the island yesterday was that fen (my "father) and our friend, mr. ling took laura and i on a tour of the island on the motor bikes. i now see that the views of the
sea from all sides of the island are equally beautiful. we stopped and talked to some people in other villages, checked out our batik competition at the shop across the island and watched some boys practicing thai boxing etc. and then early this morning (7am) they took us to see their rubber trees and the process of making rubber. fascinating. each night they both cut hundreds of trees. the rubber then drains into bowls which are dumped into trays where they harden. then you step on it to flatten it out (yes i got to try) and then crank it through a machine that really flattens it. then the sheets hang out to dry in the sun. a lot of work is required but it is a lucrative business for many on the island.

person #1: FEN. the father of the house where i'm staying. he is 38 but looks much younger, a common occurrence with thai people. he's shorter than i am, of about my weight and very dark skin. he teaches arabic at the local school and he is the iman of village #4 on khao yao noi (iman is an appointed religious leader of the community). rubber trees are his side project but one that requires him to get up at 4am to cut them for 1 1/2 hours. he used to be a fisherman. he speaks little english and speaks little in general. but he seems well respected and people listen when we does talk. he laughs often, mostly at me and laura and our butchering of thai, or when we eat something spicy on accident. while there is that quiet seriousness about him, his presence creates a light hearted atmosphere. he eats a lot of rice- breakfast, lunch and dinner and very little else. he smokes often but tries to hide it or at least keep the smoke out of the house. after dinner he redresses in white lenin and goes to the mosque for about an hour. it is clear what his priorities are: he is a good father, husband, follower of islam. he's made us feel so welcome from noting what food we like then making it again, to meeting the boat back from krabi to help carry our things, to arranging an around the island tour for us. he's always one step ahead to making us feeling special and a part of the family. and
he's damn good at the soccer volleyball game!

person#2: DOUM. the mother of the house. she's 35 and overweight but has a beautiful face and shy smile. she's more light skinned with freckles. she wears sweeping skirts and t-shirts. she speaks no english but is clearly a chit chatty person and passes most of the day gossiping with the other wives. i thought she was in my housewives group making desserts but she hasn't come. she tends the house: cooking, cleaning, washing etc and works hard at these duties. she's attentive to our needs having already done something before i have the chance to ask. in a way i am still critical of the "women's place is in the home" way of life. but it seems to work well for them. fen doesn't cook dinner but does work hard from early in the morning with the rubber trees until after school. he is respectful of her and she seems content in her role. she is very loving towards won and together they create a very positive environment for him to grow up in. they seem happily married- they speak to each other kindly and are often in physical contact.

person#3: WON. little won. still unclear if its their son or nephew. a typical 4 year old boy. lots of energy and won't sit still. pushes a toy truck around the yard. passes the soccer ball with me. after initially being very shy towards me he now always wants to play a game. if laura and i are in our room he runs by to show us something or just as an excuse to see us. he loves to be naked while running around and is always covered in baby powder. many thai coat themselves in powder 1- to reduce sweating and 2- to make their skin look more white which is considered beautiful here (note the opposite from america). but b/c his skin is so dark it just looks ridiculously funny. i wish i could communicate with him but i do bring him m and m's from 7-11 when i go so that seems to be enough for him to like me. he's already in school and has homework at night. he wears a little uniform to school and is adorable. he gets little tantrums sometimes when fen, me and laura are going somewhere and he can't go. but he's surprisingly well behaved.
 

7/25/06

person #4: MR.LING. mr. ling has lived on khao yao noi his whole life. he is married with a 12 year old daughter who goes to school in phuket. he has 700 rubber trees that he cuts from 3-6 each morning. he does gardening work, batik painting and owns a bungalow. after high school he joined the "mafia" for 3 years and did heroine. i discovered this upon asking him what the tattoo on his forearm meant. i had no idea there was organized crime in thailand or, of all places, on khao yao noi. he also was a fisherman for many years but says he grew tired of it. he has a mullet and a semi mohawk and a mustache. he has the same extremely skinny and cut body type of the other men here. he is outspoken, the neighborhood jokester but he is a kind soul and from his worn bloodshot eyes you can tell he's had a hard life. mr. ling is the one who invited me to go running. about 5 minutes after the time we arrange to meet each day he arrives wearing a black wife beater, neon green soccer socks and old sneakers at least 4 sizes too big for him. i climb in the cart attached to the left side of his motorbike and sit on the board lying across it and we cruise down the road to meet the others. he just started running about a year ago. each day he can run a little farther and it has made his body feel stronger and healthier. it is easier for him to do batik painting now because his hands don't shake as much from years of excess drinking. everyone on the island knows him and we stop and have a conversation with each person we pass. whenever i talk to someone about running or this and that involving mr. ling people shake their head, say "oh, mr. ling" and laugh under their breath. we chat about the weather,
how my batik painting is coming along, the status of khao yao noi- what will happen after the big new resort is complete. will the island change and how- more people, more modern, and if its a good or bad thing. jog, slower jog, walk, stretch, jog again. i coach him on his running technique ("pump your arms more up the hills mr. ling!) we comment about how beautiful the view is and stop to admire it. even though we run this same road everyday we stop and he comments. a moment of silent respect and then go on. we ride back to our neighborhood- i always put my hands up in the air on the way back. he drops me off at my front door. high 5's. good jobs and see you tomorrows. he'll be asleep in an hour in order to get up and cut the rubber trees. disciplined, hardworking, caring. my first good friend here. someone who has found out what makes him truly happy and repeats it each day.

***Added new pictures to Photo Gallery 6 ....some of her Thai family!

***This is Kerry's mom.......July 31, 2006.... Kerry has been unable to get to the Internet to send me her Journal.  She is doing well, is very happy and misses everyone. 

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